Archive for March, 2009

See the birds?

Posted in Uncategorized on 03. 31. 09 by boltontk

I hate getting bad news. the worst kind of bad news is when there’s no good news attached to it.

i got some bad news today.
news that makes me so angry i could hit something.
i actually thought of destroying something.

usually i shout out when i am mad. i yell and scream. get physical. usually lots of cleaning. today was the same except without the yelling. silence has it’s ways of working things out too.

i could still rip something apart though.

when i angry or anxious i bite off the inside skin of my lips.

This news of ill have many repercussions, however.
Most of them stem from the worry that blossoms around me when i think of what i am to do in this event.

which leads me to think of the sermon on worry i heard at NewSpring a few weeks ago.

I have a problem with worrying.

God is pretty clear about that topic.

30″But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
31″Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’
32″For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
33″But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34″So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt.6.30-34

lately that’s been so huge for me. and even now. o so much more now.

in a way as each obstacle come my way, God gets bigger. He can’t be defeated, so why am I?

even in my anger, i cannot worry or doubt God.
He’s brought me this far, how can i think He’ll let me down now?

Look outside. See the birds?

God is good.

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Posted in Uncategorized on 03. 20. 09 by boltontk

Let me first say it’s interesting to see that people actually do read this thing. or at least check to see if we’re interesting people. sorry people, we’re not that interesting. but you still came by 5 times today. : )

so currently: hmm. yes. currently i am at work waiting on some stupid image to blow up. well, not like that, but get bigger. we have this program that umm…well, it’s not that interesting, but bottom line is I’M BORED!

this happens quite a lot here. i sit on my bum and get bored. i do origami and check the days off my calendar. i can easily see how people can get into ruts in their lives and get used to it. as much as i hated it in the beginning – i’m starting to get used to it now. scary.

so i wrote some time ago about getting off my butt, and well, i got off but then i sat back down. hmph, judge all you want, you’d do it too at some point. and last night talking with Travis i discovered that i am still wondering what it is that i am peculiarly on this planet for. i have so many things that i enjoy, but are unsure of how to or which one to zone in on to make a career. design in terms of being chained to a computer is over for me. there’s much more to life and i’m much more excited by the idea of creation with my hands. whatever it may be. which leads me to the ideas of all the things i enjoy so much. and it all falls in the arena of creation. i love to cook. bake. book. coke….. i’ve taken a love to sewing. designing clothes. taking something from paper or idea to reality. one i can hold and even wear. i will always love to paint. i think working with my hands keeps my attention well enough to satisfy something not much else can. and that’s just a start to some of the passions i have – the selfish side.

i also have a passion for adoption. all things about it. the moms, the children, the dads, the families, bringing hope and peace and encouragement and love. i want to be an example for those who have none of that. i don’t believe God placed me here in this way for no reason.

but mostly. more strongly than the rest. i want to be a mom. a wife. stay at home. make a home. have dinner ready when Travis gets home. Get the kids from school. wear myself out doing things for my family. being a kitchen nazi. folding laundry. dusting. cleaning the bathroom. fixing a leak. repainting the house. rearranging the furniture. making it comfy. being happy. setting the mood in my home. having dogs. loving animals. loving people…..

it’s all there.

i had this other passion, but it burns so much less fervently than the others. to be involved and feel the benefits and joys of working in a church. and i’ve discovered something. it’s not for me. i’m called to be somewhere else. end of story.

so currently playing in my head is something like a mix of a cooking, fashion designer, adoption advocate mom who wants to do what God so graciously put me here for.

*and for those who are wondering: no i am not pregnant. thanks.*